Psalm 119:17-24 reads:
17Do good to your servant, and I will live;
I will obey your word.
18Open my eyes that I may see
wonderful things in your law.
19I am a stranger on earth;
do not hide your commands from me.
20My soul is consumed with longing
for your laws at all times.
21You rebuke the arrogant, who are cursed
and who stray from your commands.
22Remove from me scorn and contempt,
for I keep your statutes.
23Though rulers sit together and slander me,
your servant will meditate on your decrees.
24Your statutes are my delight;
they are my counselors.
Verses 21 and 22 of this reading jumped out at me because this is my season right now. The past few weeks, I’ve been cranky and short-tempered; I’ve been snapping at everyone, including colleagues and family members. This kind of behavior is known as “displaced aggression,” when a person’s anger at something is manifested in his actions towards somebody else.
After thinking and praying about it – and with assistance from my wife, whose patience knows no bounds – it became clear to me why I was so ill-tempered. I was feeling powerless about a certain situation, that made me very upset. My frustration with my inability to act on my situation made me act out, and I was shamed by this.
The verse reads:
21You rebuke the arrogant, who are cursed
and who stray from your commands.
22Remove from me scorn and contempt,
for I keep your statutes.
I asked God, “Lord, am I being arrogant?” Is this an issue of pride? Was I not humbling myself? Furthermore, I found myself wondering about the people with whom I shared the situation, “Am I better than them? To what standards should I hold myself to ensure I can continue to be true to God and myself?”
Ultimately, I was rebuked. A humble heart does not seek to scorn others; verse 22 says the keeping of the word necessitates contempt for others. Who am I to feel better than others, and does my so-called abundance of skill and talent necessarily make me better than other people?
Suffice it to say that this morning has been a humbling experience. I’m actually thinking of going on a fast for the next 40 days in preparation of how to deal with my situation. While we know life is never easy, we know that God does walk with us, and it is He who makes our burdens light. So… I continue to wait. And shut up while I’m being rebuked.
